She’s so much fun to be around.  Just a bag full of giggles.  She’s learning to reach for things now.  If its close and she can get to it, it’s hers.  She’s such an explorer.  She’s discovering new things everyday and even though she’s only 5 months old.  She knows more than she lets on.

It’s somewhat surreal to know that I am responsible for this human being.  Her development, her “first” views on life and this world will come from me.  It’s my job to teach her how to be a responsible person, a kind-hearted, friendly, hard working, God-fearing young lady and woman who understands that the needs of others are greater than her own.  I have to teach her that in helping others, she helps herself.  I have to explain to her while there are still some people who will hold the color of her skin against her, that not every white person is her enemy and not every black person is her friend.  People are people and everyone needs to feel loved, respected, and valued. Not just those who look like her. I need to help her build self esteem so that she can see through the games men play. I have to, more than anything else, reinforce in her mind that God loves her and through that love she will find strength. Through that love there is nothing she can’t accomplish.

I’m fearful at times that I might drop the ball somewhere and she pays the price for it.  It’s a real fear.  I’ve suddenly become someone’s life coach (and what the heck do I know?)  Its stranger still that every time I think of what I have to teach Rachel I’m always reminded of what she has taught me in just 5 short months.

1. When life hurts, its okay to cry or show emotion.
2. Smile every chance you get.  The heaviest burden becomes lighter when you do.
3. Its okay to sing and not care who is listening,  It just might put a song in their heart.
4. Explore new things and learn new things, You’re never to old.
5. Be friendly to people you don’t know.  Contrary to popular belief, respect shouldn’t have to be earned…respect should be freely given.

I want to be the best example and the best Dad that I can be.  She deserves that. Every child deserves that.  This has been on my mind lately until this morning when I held her on my knee.  She smiled at me with that one little dimple and that wide grin with the curled up tongue accompanied by a tiny giggle and I knew then that while I’ve been worried about being the best father that I can be for her, in her mind, I already am.  

This is my daughter, Rachel.  She’s something else.

Here’s a sneak peek.

It was not the least of her gifts to me.

At that point I decided to take control of my own life and pursue something that I enjoyed.  I decided to take a leap of faith and pursue a career in photography.  I chose not to tell my mother until I was sure that the finances were in order that would allow me to enroll in school.  By the time I had secured funding, I had less than a month left with her. Unbeknownst to me at the time.  She was in the hospital and desperately weak.  I told her that I decided to pursue another career and enroll in photography school.   She said not a single word.  She smiled… and whatever I was expecting her reponse to be, that smile is more than I could have asked for.  I’ll never forget it.  A life time of instilling confidence, a life time of hope, a life time of encouragement, all behind one gentle smile.  I know that she was proud that I chose to be what every man and woman has a right to be - what she’d always wanted me to be…Happy!

On a bus in London, England

This is the last photograph I took of my mother in December of 2006.  She passed away 5 months later.  It was hand held on a dark bus for about 2 seconds.  When I first looked at this picture, I thought to discard it, but now its more valuable to me than any picture I’ve ever taken.

I wanted to take a minute to pay tribute to my mother with this first post.  Joyce Marie Denman - the reason I am who I am today.  She will always be remembered.