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What are my passions? Lemon meringue pie, Pecan candy, My wife's black beans, My mother's Chicken and Sausage Gumbo. Visting historical places. Learning about new cultures. The History channel. Rollercoasters, NFL football, Watching my daughter experience the world around her. Laughing with Sharron and seeing her smile.
She made it or Sharron and I made it (however you might look at it.) Rachel is 1 yr old today. Nothing big scheduled. She had her party last week. She’s been so much fun to get to know and I know year two will be no less exciting. Just wanted to share a few from the first year. Each image was taken for every month she’s been with us. (First image is Day 1)
My little girl will be 1 yr old in a few weeks. There is so much about Rachel that I just don’t want to change. Yet when I look back over the year, there is so much that has changed already.
She’s crawling (at record speeds)
She’s standing on her own.
She’s exploring.
She’s laughing.
She’s very independent.
She’s know’s what she wants and screams when she’s denied.
I suppose you can look at those things and say “those are good things.” Perhaps. I just know that I’m going to miss her crawling onto my chest and falling asleep. I’m going to miss hearing her giggling as I toss her into the air. I’m going to miss marching around the house with her in my arms singing “The Grand ole Duke of York” I’m going to miss her going into Sharron’s drawers and pulling everything out onto the floor and then crawl away (That is funny!!) Right under my nose she has grown. There is a knot in my stomach that wants things to slow down just a bit. Let me enjoy the little Rachel that I’ve known. Yea its great to see her develop and experience new things and its fun to witness the development of her personality-getting a glimpse into what kind of young lady she might be. All those things are great to see and I’m excited about the endless possibilities for her except it just reminds me…
She’s not so small in my hands anymore 
This is my daughter, Rachel. She’s something else.
She’s so much fun to be around. Just a bag full of giggles. She’s learning to reach for things now. If its close and she can get to it, it’s hers. She’s such an explorer. She’s discovering new things everyday and even though she’s only 5 months old. She knows more than she lets on.
It’s somewhat surreal to know that I am responsible for this human being. Her development, her “first” views on life and this world will come from me. It’s my job to teach her how to be a responsible person, a kind-hearted, friendly, hard working, God-fearing young lady and woman who understands that the needs of others are greater than her own. I have to teach her that in helping others, she helps herself. I have to explain to her while there are still some people who will hold the color of her skin against her, that not every white person is her enemy and not every black person is her friend. People are people and everyone needs to feel loved, respected, and valued. Not just those who look like her. I need to help her build self esteem so that she can see through the games men play. I have to, more than anything else, reinforce in her mind that God loves her and through that love she will find strength. Through that love there is nothing she can’t accomplish.
I’m fearful at times that I might drop the ball somewhere and she pays the price for it. It’s a real fear. I’ve suddenly become someone’s life coach (and what the heck do I know?) Its stranger still that every time I think of what I have to teach Rachel I’m always reminded of what she has taught me in just 5 short months.
I want to be the best example and the best Dad that I can be. She deserves that. Every child deserves that. This has been on my mind lately until this morning when I held her on my knee. She smiled at me with that one little dimple and that wide grin with the curled up tongue accompanied by a tiny giggle and I knew then that while I’ve been worried about being the best father that I can be for her, in her mind, I already am.
This is my daughter, Rachel. She’s something else.
She never knew me as a photographer, but she knew I would be whatever I chose to be. I vividly remember talking to my mother saying to her that I did not want to work for someone else for the rest of my life. That was in November of 2006. She was 21.5 years into her battle with cancer. Some might have said she was winning. To see her you would never have known what was going on inside. She offered two simple words in response to my plight…”well don’t!” Years of her telling me that I was smart enough to do anything and accomplish anything wrapped nicely into two little words.
It was not the least of her gifts to me.
At that point I decided to take control of my own life and pursue something that I enjoyed. I decided to take a leap of faith and pursue a career in photography. I chose not to tell my mother until I was sure that the finances were in order that would allow me to enroll in school. By the time I had secured funding, I had less than a month left with her. Unbeknownst to me at the time. She was in the hospital and desperately weak. I told her that I decided to pursue another career and enroll in photography school. She said not a single word. She smiled… and whatever I was expecting her reponse to be, that smile is more than I could have asked for. I’ll never forget it. A life time of instilling confidence, a life time of hope, a life time of encouragement, all behind one gentle smile. I know that she was proud that I chose to be what every man and woman has a right to be – what she’d always wanted me to be…Happy!
On a bus in London, England
This is the last photograph I took of my mother in December of 2006. She passed away 5 months later. It was hand held on a dark bus for about 2 seconds. When I first looked at this picture, I thought to discard it, but now its more valuable to me than any picture I’ve ever taken.
I wanted to take a minute to pay tribute to my mother with this first post. Joyce Marie Denman – the reason I am who I am today. She will always be remembered.
